God knocked on my door today. He smiled and told me, “Yes, you can do this.”
- Jean Ruivivar, Haiku 6
- Jean Ruivivar, Haiku 6
Take Me Home | Cash Cash
But no one shakes me like you do
My best mistake was you
You’re my sweet affliction
Cause you hurt me right
But you do it nice
Being with Christopher is sometimes really frustrating and at times draining… Sometimes I wonder if I have the patience or the tenacity to deal with him. There are moments that I doubt if I can really do it. I don’t know if he likes to test my tolerance or whether or not to take him seriously. Sometimes I feel like he’s just waiting for me to just burst my bubble and start yelling at him.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe we’re too different. I mean, we want different things. I want stability and commitment whereas he rather not resist temptation and limit himself. He isn’t used to the “typical/normal” tradition conventional relationships. And sometimes, it’s really hard to get through to him because he’s built all these misconstrue notions about how people are supposed to deal with turmoil and differences.
I mean it’s great that we communicate through them. I try immensely hard to assure him that being with him is what I want. He is a sensitive soul though. Slightly insecure and paranoid.. Belligerent and perverted.. Random and immature.
Sometimes I really wonder what in the world made this guy like this, to be so besmirched that in all honesty scares me sometimes because of how negative his views are about the world and about people.
I mean, I get when you get screwed over or something and not just by relationships but by people in general, you lose hope in humanity and you put up a wall or even 2.. I mean I’ve done it. Plenty of times. I put up so many walls at one point in my life that it took me some time to realize that eventually because I did, I became someone I didn’t like. I became the thing that I hated most. So I stopped. I sat myself down and figured out what kind of person I wanted to be. Now people might say I’m too nice or that I’m being taken advantage of or being walked all over on. I don’t care because at least, I’m being me.
But Christopher.. He’s something entirely on its own.. It’s kind of sad.
And sometimes, I don’t know how to bring him back.
- Jean Ruivivar, Haiku 5
- Jean Ruivivar, Haiku 4
I went out with two of my good friends tonight.
I hope that sometime soon I can let you see that side of me too..
Sometimes I still hold back with you because I’m afraid of what you’ll think. Especially with my humor because sometimes my humor can be viewed as immature or perverted…
But I really like that side of me. And I wonder if you’ll like it too..