It’s official. 100 days since I’ve last seen my boyfriend. Wow..

Truthfully, I’m surprised we made it this far in our LDR. I really didn’t think we would honestly. But here we are.

At this point in our relationship though, I’ll be completely honest.

I just don’t care anymore.

Not that I won’t put in the effort, or not care about my boyfriend. But I’m tired of expecting to see him. It’s not worth the hope. It’s not worth the sadness.

Our entire relationship, I’ve only ever asked for one thing from him. And that’s to see and spent time with him. We didn’t even have to be doing anything extravagant. We could be sitting on the couch watching cartoons and I would love it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore every single gift he has ever given me. All the dresses and clothes and the Valentine’s picture book down to all the dinners he’s paid for. But for me, it’s not about how much money you spend on me but how much time you give to me. How much attention you’re willing to give up from your world just to pay more to me and mines. How far you’re willing to go just to spend 5 complete minutes with me. 

We constantly Skype 24/7 and rarely stop talking to each other for hours. Which I love and appreciate all the time.

But it’s not what I want. I don’t want this online relationship. I don’t want a cyber boyfriend. I want the ability to touch and feel. I crave the intimacy. Maybe I don’t need it all the time, but I would like the occasional romance. Is that so wrong? I mean, I’ve never asked for anything in return but to spend time with me. Your complete and utter devotion. No interruptions. No hesitations. Just YOU and just ME. 

I mean, is that really so hard to give me? Because that’s all I really ever want from YOU. That’s the ONE thing you can do for me to make me happy.

Personally, I think this is the first summer I’m not looking forward to whatsoever but I decided to come up with some stuff just to keep me at least hopeful…

To Do List:

• Disneyland
• The beach
• SoCal ♥
• Spend time with Jonathan IN PERSON
• Celebrate our birthdays together
• Rock-climb (indoor/outdoor)
• Find a job/internship
• See a shooting star
• Beat Diablo 3 on Nightmare Mode
• Read Game of Thrones, HP, and at least 5 other books
• Convince parents for Fall 2012
• Buy a new Canon handheld camera
• Ask my old Soc 13 Professor for a Letter of Recommendation
• Anime Expo ‘12
• Eat yummy food - try something different
• Learn a new skill
• Sing in front of a crowd
• Exercise
• Wear dresses for a week straight
• Beat Zelda Skyward Sword

To be continued…